Wednesday, January 2, 2013

This is Where I Want to Be

Why Go Anywhere Else?

I lie in bed at night and think about what I want to write. Then I get up the next morning, surrounded by dogs, kids, business and emails and life takes over. There seems to be so much in my head that wants to come out at night, I don't know where it all goes while I am asleep. Ideas nag at my dreams, they tap on my brain and then run and hide when my conscious mind goes looking for them calling for them to come back.
It is a strange thing, I want to slow things down. Fewer commitments, more time with my family and more time to dedicate to the things I really want to be doing. For some reason every time I think of slowing things down, I think of writing and blogging...things that take up my free time and space in my head. Yet, the need is there. 
I know I have a tendency to hear other people's voices in my head...Unwanted and unsolicited they take up residence in my brain. Usually these voices belong to people that I don't care about or want in my head, yet somehow they bring their camping gear and move in making me question my every action. Like and occupy Wall Street of my brain. Well, I have decided to clean house. I am the only person I want in my head, the only questions in there need to be my own not some imagined mind police that speaks up unwanted and uninvited.
I think the best way to do this is turn the faucet on...let my own thoughts come out here so that they can keep streaming through flushing out the sediment. A roto router of the unwanted thoughts left behind. I want to focus on what is important to me right now. My family, my business, my creativity, my life. Selfish? No, I need to be the best me I can for myself, my daughters and Jim. I need to slow down my brain and lower my expectations of myself and those around me so that I can enjoy what is really going on and stop thinking of ways to make it bigger, better, faster, stronger.
Live in the now, focus on the future I want and make it possible by being true to my own vision.
Happy New Year!

1 comment:

tonda said...

I know all too well your pain dear! Just keep writing.